This is all very difficult on them, and you really can’t be a bummer right now. * (*Line stolen from an awesome cartoon by Bob Mankoff. I advise some of these very things myself — don’t beg and plead. If you can’t be vulnerable and need of your family’s help, who else is there? Oh no, I’m sure you were going to bake those cookies, take up bonsai gardening, and deep clean the carpets for your very own benefit and not to Make the Marriage a Better Place to Be. And yet, most of this advice is patently ridiculous and predicated on remaining a chump. If ever you needed help from family members, it’s when your spouse runs off with an affair partner, or eats cake at your expense. But if this is some kind of silent treatment to goad them into taking an interest? I don’t think you should chase, but I don’t think you should be some passive-aggressive Look At Me!
It’s about the most dramatic, seismic shock a person can suffer in a relationship. That’s like the Richard Pryor line “Who you gonna believe? ” Cheaters don’t speak in “absolute negatives” because they are “hurting and scared.” They speak that way out of contempt and disrespect. They demonize their spouses to justify their selfishness. Assuming you can reconcile, shouldn’t repairing the public image be the job of the cheater and not the chump? As I said, I don’t think you should speak truth to stupid. Why shouldn’t you tell the truth and get the support you need? Perhaps they will meditate on how wonderful you are! In the words of En Vogue — “free your mind and the rest will follow.” Just actually get on with your life — don’t pretend for the sake of garnering some cheater’s attention. How lovely for the cheater to come home to a cheerful, improved, and quiet you. God, so common and so utterly useless, as I’m sure we can all attest. If you’ve spent any time reading the reconciliation literature, you’ll notice a lot of reference to the “180.” She won’t stop seeing her affair partner? When you do self protective things like see a lawyer and separate your finances — you aren’t faking it. No one feels “cheerful, strong, outgoing, and attractive” after they’ve been intimately humiliated and betrayed. Doesn’t mean you have to keep them in the dark about it either, just expect blood to be thicker than water. Is this to goad the cheater into doing the pick me dance for you? Yeah, nothing like finding out your husband has been rating escorts to make you want to put on some lipstick. This advice is just denying the reality of the trauma of infidelity. Out of no where comes a beautiful woman who wants to spend time with him.He is thrown off guard by this pleasant surprise, so much so that he completely forgets about everything else.