For single women visitors, the dating game in Germany can at first seem like a free, gourmet buffet.
The men are almost all impressively tall, many are blond and, almost invariably, they are extremely handsome with the bodies of Adonis.
But before you enter the minefield that is German-men-dating, be sure you know what's awaiting you.
The Survival Bible has put together a guide to some common Teutonic types.
INTELLECTUAL GERMAN MALE Stop reading Heat magazine! Intellectual German Male wont be seen dead with you if you dont. Distinguishing marks: Looks and dresses like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society." Just less American. Favorite Activities: Listening to 1980s hard rock and moaning about capitalism, the euro and the fact his rent costs more than 3 pounds a week. Birkenstock-wearing, lentil-eating, Organic German Male is right-on when it comes to global warming, nuclear power and organic gardening.
Hes spent his entire life cocooned in a university, is fluent in Serbo-Croatian and doesnt own a television. Habitat: Pseudo-arty Berlin cafés with gilded mirrors and black and white pictures of Marlene Dietrich on the wall. OSSI GERMAN MALE He can say "I Love You" in Russian. For Ossi German male -- a product of former East Germany -- life was better when the Berlin Wall was still standing, or so they'll tell you. Yawn Distinguishing marks: Organic German Males usually have big troubled eyes (the planet is dying, you know).
Keep an eye out for a tendency to shop at Frankonia Jagd or similar huntin-shootin-fishin establishments.
Even better, they dress well, smell of expensive eau de Cologne, and theyre intelligent.
Indeed, the first impression is so overwhelming that it almost always leads directly to the first German dating no-no: Expecting that going to a party full of such hunks will yield a catch. German males are not only fine physical specimens, but they're also weak, wimpy, afraid of commitment, and painfully shy.
You will be stranded in a dusty Hell, furnished in Biedermeier kitsch.
And when you resist your transition into the Teutonic Upper Class, Aristo German Male will dump you for an Aristo German Female with higher cheekbones. Running around Hamburgs Alster when you fancy going shoe shopping, or forcing you to go Nordic Walking on a Sunday morning when youd still rather be under your duvet stuffing yourself with scrambled eggs, Sporty German Male laughs in the face of blubber, Wiener Schnitzel and chips.