Q: What does your girlfriend and a condom got in common? The first one I called 7 Up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up. And the rich man says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Marcedes." "Why both? And the rich man says "That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Marcedes when she returns the ring." And then the rich man asks the poor man "What are you getting your girlfriend?
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and when she explained, he had her sit down and relax in another room. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?? " To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." After dying in an accident, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open! Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? Q: What do you call your ex-girlfriend with Pms and Esp? That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself." Flowers A man comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend and she says "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now." And her boyfriend asks "Why, don't you have a vase? A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet. The second one I called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do. Then the other girl interrupts saying "Hold on a minute. " The girl smiles and says "Yes it is" Rich & Poor A rich man and a poor man are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends. " And the poor man says "I'm buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. " The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatdoctors of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow." The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say...' After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling. Take the blue pill with 2 glasses of water after lunch. Q: What is the difference between a Girlfriend and a washing machine? Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend with PMS and a Pit Bull? If she doesnt get jealous when someone has your attention, it's because someone has hers Skinny = anorexic , thick = obese , virgin = too good , non-virgin = slut , friendly = fake , quiet = rude. Be the girl his ex girlfriend will hate, his mom will love, and that he will never forget. Boyfri(end) Girlfri(end) Fri(end) everything has an end except fam(ily) It was so hot today, I almost called my ex-girlfriend to be around something shady. Boyfriend: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girlfriend: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Boyfriend: Just because you have your period doesn't mean you can be a bitch. As they were kissing passionately, Chris slid his hand up Michelle's skirt. A: So they'd have at least one way to shut their girlfriends up. A: The thief was spending less then his girlfriend. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs." On their next date, Chris returned to the country road. Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant a lot has changed in my life...my name, address and telephone number Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Your girlfriend is like a meatlocker every guy wants to store his meat in her Every girl is a ninja... Boyfriend: awww spell it out to make it more romantic. Girlfriend: "Go to hell." Boyfriend: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. I was caught selling ice." Boyfriend: Amazing world, only 25% boys have common sense, very short figure! Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs." On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it! A: Lipstick Q: What should you give a man who has everything? Kissing your girlfriend on the cheek(good) kissing girlfriend in the mouth (awesome) Kissing girlfriend in front of her ex (boss). It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. Girlfriend: Oh well just because you have a dick doesn't mean you can be one. " Girlfriend: "No." Boyfriend: "Me neither, start cooking." Girlfriend: Ily. Boyfriend : When I Get On One Knee and Make You My Wife. Girlfriend: I want to end up our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me.. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home.