A bit like how Jordan writes all her books, but for sex.
The website markets itself as “dating, done for you” and promises to land you eight dates per month, depending on how much you’re willing to fork out for the service.
You can then send them voice messages and videos of yourself, which to be honest will probably be used for more sinful than heavenly reasons really.
You want to use Tinder, but you’re too busy, and you’re loaded (it is the perfect time of year for it with revision and student loans…). Aimed at rich single men with little free time to spare, Personal Dating Assistants provides an online profile management and ghostwriting service for dating profiles.
What if you’re not rich enough for Seeking Arrangement or Personal Dating Assistants, but still want to bribe your way to a date. “Online dating is a superficial game” says Carrot Dating, but promises “With Carrot Dating, you won’t get rejected before you even get a chance.
Convince singles that spending time with you is worth it by making them an offer that they simply cannot refuse” It’s like The Godfather – but you know, for lonely, desperate creeps.
So you’ve tracked down future lovers on the road, Facebook and on your phone, but what about 30,000 feet in the air?You might think you’re pretty good in bed, but if you’re someone who often wonders just how well you compare to others during sex, now you can check those crippling insecurities with Passion!This app measures how well you perform during sex and gives you a rating from 0-10, ten being the highest, zero being very depressing.Apparently boasting hundreds of members at universities across the UK, skint students can sign up to be “sugar babies” to either “sugar mamas” or “sugar daddies”.In exchange for a relationship (80% of Seeking Arrangement dates involve sex, but the founder Brandon Wade denies it’s a form of prostitution), cash-strapped sugar babies are lavished with gifts and cash allowances which average at £5,000 a month. If you have trouble with giving out satisfying oral sex, you should probably lick your phone instead.Then you can go online afterwards and see how well you did against the rest of the world – who needs pillow talk anyway?Do you spend most of your free time staring daggers at the “in a relationship” status on your one-true-love’s Facebook?If the person you’ve swiped is also feeling Heavenly or Sinful to match you, then you’ve got yourself a match made in Heaven (sorry).The app also includes a handy map so you can see your fellow Heavenly or Sinful people according to their location.Pure is an app for those that want to enjoy Tinder but are too embarrassed or shy to put themselves out there.Or who just want to hide the evidence that they’re into online hook-ups.